The Office: Season 3
by mells
Summary: This is my own version of Season 3 and how I think it could go. The actual writers are the true geniuses. I don't claim to own anything. Just enjoying writing about one of the best comedies on TV. This is in script form.
1. Chapter 1

The Takedown"

INT. THE OFFICE

(Pam is on the phone)

(Michael walks in)

Pam: (On the phone) OK. I'll tell him. Bye.

Michael: (Banging his fists on the reception desk) Pam! Pam-a-lama! What's shakin'?

Pam: (Not amused) I just got off the phone with Jan and she said

Michael: (Interrupting) You know, you should wear that red shirt again. It really accentuates your (looking at her boobs, then at the camera) uh, hair.

Pam: (Looking down) Please stop looking at my chest.

Michael: Thaaat's what she said. (Smirking and looking at the camera)

Pam: (Unfazed) Jan called and said she needs to discuss the downsizing email that she sent to you.

Michael: (Looking guilty) Uh, oh.

Pam: (Scared) What does that mean Michael? Are we losing our jobs?

(Michael looks at the camera)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL IN HIS OFFICE

Michael: Yeah, so there was some talk about one of the branches closing. (Takes a sip of coffee)

(Kevin is at the copier making copies)

Michael: (VO) But, honestly I'm not too worried.

(Meredith is stapling papers together. She looks around to make sure no one sees her and then takes a sip of alcohol out of her flask)

Michael: (VO) We have a great bunch of guys and gals here at the Scranton branch.

CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL IN HIS OFFICE

Michael: I mean, Jan would be crazy to shut us down. Am I right? (Laughing nervously) God. I mean, what would these people do without me and this place. I'm like their father and they are my bastard children. Like, for instance, Kevin. What's he got going for him? Like his band is really going to take off? Yeah, right.

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF KEVIN

Kevin: Ever since we lost the gig for Pam's wedding the band has been a little bummed. But our bassist's son is turning four next week and we're playing at his birthday party. So, we should be reeling them in after that.

CUT TO RECEPTION DESK

Michael: Oh Pam. You worry too much. Stop it. (Laughing) Everything is fine. (Heads towards his office). (Points to her) Back to work.

(Camera pans to Pam looking worried)

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: I'm really nervous about losing my job because I have my own apartment now. I might have to go back home and live with my parents. (Looking frantic) And that would be really horrible. (Suddenly, she gets a calming look on her face) Although, I'm not really a good cook and my mother makes the best lasagna. (Long pause. She looks at the camera with a smile on her face). I hope our branch closes.

CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS

CUT TO THE STAMFORD BRANCH

(Jim is eating lunch in the break room. Karen walks in)

Karen: Hey. (Sits down) What's going on?

Jim: Nothing, just eating my lunch. So, are we still on for tonight?

Karen: Yeah. I'm looking forward to it.

Jim: (VO) So, Karen and I have been out on like 3 dates.

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: And she's really great. (Big smile) She does this thing where she fiddles around with her necklace when she talks to me.

(Shot of Karen fiddling with her necklace and talking to Jim at his desk)

Jim: (VO) It's like the coolest thing.

Jim: Pam used to do something similar when she, uh (smiling, looking down and then a pause)

CUT TO OFFICE

(All the salespeople are at their desks and Josh walks out from his office)

Josh: Hey guys. Listen up for a second. There has been some speculation about downsizing and I just wanted to make it clear that it sounds like it will most likely be the Scranton Branch so hurray for us! (Laughs and heads back into his office)

(Jim gets a concerned look on his face. Andy turns around to talk to Jim)

Andy: Hey Big Tuna. Lucky for you, you left when you did right buddy? (He pats him on the shoulder and then turns back around)

CUT TO INDIVDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: I really can't stand that guy. I can actually say that I'm starting to miss Dwight. (Pause) Frightening, I know.

CUT TO SCRANTON BRANCH

(Angela, Kelly and Pam are whispering by Angela's desk)

(Michael comes out of his office and notices them)

Michael: Whoa. Let's break up the threesome over there. (Laughing) Unless you are all discussing something that requires the three of you to be naked? Any thoughts?

(The three of them look disgusted)

Kevin: Awesome.

(Dwight heads over to Michael)

Dwight: (Whispering) Michael, there has been some talk around the office that our branch is going to be shut down. Do you know anything about this?

Michael: (Laughing nervously) What? Wha? No…no! Dwight! (Addressing the entire office) Do you believe this guy? Ha..he's so twitchy, am I right?

(The entire office is staring at him)

Michael: I mean, wouldn't I, your fearless leader, tell you if we were all out of jobs?

Pam: (Coldly) No, you wouldn't Michael.

Oscar: (Mad) Pam's right. In fact, that would be the last thing that you would ever tell us.

Toby: Yeah, I mean you've lied to us in the past when someone needed to be let go.

Michael: OK, you know what Toby, that was one instance and…like…it all worked out for the best, am I right?

Toby: Well actually,

Michael: (Cutting him off) Toby, don't be they way you are. It drives me insane.

(Phyllis looks like she's going to cry)

Phyllis: Oh my God! How am I going to pay for the wedding?

Michael: OK, everyone calm down.

(Phyllis picks up the phone)

Phyllis: Hi can I speak to Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration please?

Michael: (Upset and yelling) OK, that's it! Everyone in the conference room now. Team meeting. Right now!

Stanley: (Plainly) I'm sorry I have work to and I do not have time for one of your meetings.

Michael: This is not a choice. Everyone, right now. Let's go!

Dwight: (Whispering to Michael) Should I get my mace in case things get out of hand?

Michael: No, no. God, that's so stupid, Dwight.

Dwight: Honestly, it's a good way to show these subordinates that we mean business.

Michael: (Looking down) Just, get in there.

Dwight: (VO) (Very seriously) I disagree with Michael's decision not to use force with these people. If our branch closes it is because of the weak. And pretty much everyone here is weak. Except for me. And maybe Angela. (Long pause. Then he gets a big goofy smile on his face) She is definitely not weak.

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(Everyone is seated)

Michael: OK, everyone relax. Let's all take a couple of deep breaths. In…out.

(Everyone looks pissed off at him)

Michael: In…out…

Kelly: OK, cut the crap Michael. Are we getting fired or what?

Michael: (Ignoring her statement) You're not breathing Kelly. In…

Oscar: (Getting up to leave) That's it! I'm posting my resume on Monster.

Michael: Alright, alright. Everyone just sit down. I'll tell you the truth.

(Oscar sits back down)

Michael: The truth is, I have a 3:00 conference call with Jan today to discuss if we are closing, OK?

Ryan: You mean, you don't even know if we're closing or not?

Michael: No, I do not. And like what do you care? You could just go back to temping anyway right? I mean, you didn't have to say yes when I hired you. So, don't blame me.

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: I think the only reason Michael hired me was because he thought I would be his best friend or something. I really don't think Michael has any friends. Because if he did, they would have probably killed him by now.

Michael: So, that's the scoop-a-doop. Ok?

(Everyone gets up to leave)

Michael: Ooh, ooh. One more thing. Please do not mention this to the warehouse guys yet OK? I wouldn't want Daryl to get his gat and kill us all, if you know what I mean? (Slightly laughing)

Stanley: (Sarcastically) No Michael. I do not know what you mean. Please enlighten us.

Michael: Stanley, you of all people should know what I mean. Come on.

(Stanley looks pissed then rolls his eyes and leaves)

(Michael goes over to Pam)

Michael: Uh Pam?

Pam: What Michael?

Michael: Uh, you're not going to mention this to Roy, right?

Pam: He has a right to know Michael.

Michael: I know, but just not yet. Not until I find out everything, OK?

Pam: Fine, whatever.

Michael: (Relieved) Thank you. Thank you. You know, between you and me, I'm a little scared of him.

(Pam looks at the camera)

Pam: (Sarcastically) Really? I would never have guessed.

Michael: (Oblivious) Yeah, it's true. I know, I wore that hat well.

(Pam turns to leave)

CUT TO STAMFORD BRANCH

(Jim and Karen are eating lunch in the break room)

(Andy enters)

Andy: Hey, you guys. Royal bitch entering the hen house.

(They both turn their heads to see Jan entering Josh's office)

Karen: So what, a woman in power frightens you Andy?

Andy: No. Pft, whatever. It's just a known fact that she's a bitch. Right? (He touches Jim's shoulder) He knows what I'm talking about.

Jim: (Not amused) Actually I think Jan is pretty cool. She's the one who suggested I move to this branch.

Andy: (Pissed) Oh would you grow a pair please?

Karen: (Laughing) OK, you can leave know Andy.

Andy: (Towards Jim) You better not turn your back because I'm coming for you with my sniper rifle. And it won't be pretty.

(He exits)

(Jim looks uncomfortable)

Jim: He was talking about the video game, correct?

(Karen shrugs and continues eating. Jim looks nervously at the camera)

CUT TO SCRANTON BRANCH

(Pam is eating by herself in the break room. She is looking at one of her illustrations. There is a post-it note on it from Jim that says, "This one is your best yet Beesly." Pam has a big smile on her face)

(Roy walks in and she quickly puts the illustration away)

Roy: Hey. Do you mind if I eat with you?

Pam: (Slightly hesitating) Uh, no. It's OK.

CUT TO OFFICE AREA

(Michael is peering out of his blinds in his office and sees Pam & Roy)

(He picks up the phone and calls Dwight)

Dwight: Hello?

Michael: Get in here. I have a special project for you.

Dwight: I'm your man.

(He gets up quickly but trips over his phone wire and falls flat on his face)

(Angela walks by holding a cup of tea and shakes her head at him)

(Michael opens the door to his office)

Michael: (Pissed) Would you get in here Dwight? (Dwight slowly gets up) God, you have about as much agility as Kevin.

(Kevin overhears from his desk)

Kevin: (Very slowly) Hey!

Michael: What? Nothing, Kevin go back to doing (pause) uh, whatever it is that you do.

(Kevin just looks at the camera)

(Michael & Dwight enter his office and shut the door)

Dwight: Sorry about that Michael.

Michael: God, it's like sometimes I wonder why I use you for these tasks.

Dwight: I will not let you down. What is it that you need me to do? Fire someone?

Michael: No.

Dwight: Strip search someone?

Michael: No.

Dwight: I'm fully trained to do a complete body cavity search.

Michael: Ew Dwight! Come on. Stop it. No. I need you to go into the break room and spy on Pam & Roy.

Dwight: You want me to see if they're getting back together?

Michael: No, ick...who cares about that? No, I want you to make sure that Pam isn't telling him about the branch closing.

Dwight: (Nervous) The branch is really closing?

Michael: No, uh, I don't know. Just make sure she's not saying anything alright?

Dwight: OK. If we don't close, will I be promoted for this?

Michael: No, just do it OK Dwight.

Dwight: Fine.

(He exits and Michael closes his door and peers out of the blinds again)

(Dwight enters into the break room and fiddles around with some change for a soda)

Roy: (Whispering) So, what's going to happen to us?

Pam: (Whispering) I don't know Roy. It's complicated.

(Dwight gets a serious look on his face and moves closer to them)

Roy: (Getting louder) Well, I need the money. I mean, he can't do this to us.

Pam: Well what do you expect me to do?

Dwight: A-ha! How dare you tell Roy, Pam! (Yelling) Michael, get in here!

Roy: (To Pam) What is he talking about?

(Michael comes in)

Michael: (Disappointed) How could you Pam? After I specifically told you not to.

Pam: What the hell are you talking about?

Dwight: Don't be coy Pam. You told Roy that our branch is closing!

Roy: What? The branch is closing? What the hell! Crap!

(Roy storms out of there and heads towards the warehouse)

Michael: I'm so disappointed in you Pam.

Dwight: Very disappointed.

Michael: (Under his breath) Shut up Dwight.

Pam: What are you talking about? Roy and I were discussing trying to get our money back from some one of our wedding vendors.

(Michael & Dwight just stare at her)

Pam: You had Dwight spy on me?

(They both look guilty)

Michael: (Covering) What? No, no Pam. (Laughing) God, no. Dwight? Were you spying on Pam?

Dwight: You asked me to Michael.

Michael: No, no I didn't. I asked you to buy me a soda. That's all.

Dwight: Yes and listen in on their conversation.

Michael: What? No, no I didn't.

Pam: Well, now the entire warehouse is going to know. And I think Daryl knows where you live right?

(Michael gets a nervous look on his face)

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL AT HIS DESK

Michael: I invited Daryl over to my condo to help me move some furniture. At first I told him I was having a cocktail party but when he showed up, I started getting him to move stuff. He seemed kind of upset but I figured that a cocktail party wouldn't have really been his style anyway. He was probably a lot more comfortable moving furniture.

CUT TO STAMFORD BRANCH

(Josh and Jan are still in his office. Josh has a blank expression on his face)

(Andy is sitting on Jim's desk spying on them)

Andy: (Frustrated) God. I wish I could read Josh's face. What do you think they're talking about?

Jim: (Annoyed) Uh, I'm not sure. But I'm working so if you could

Andy: (Interrupting) I bet this branch is closing.

(Jan finishes talking to Josh and walks out of his office)

(Josh is just sits there for awhile and then gets up and exits his office to address everyone)

Josh: Uh, listen up people.

(Everyone stops what they are doing and looks up)

Josh: As you may have heard, corporate needed to do some downsizing and well…our branch is closing.

(Everyone starts grumbling)

Andy: What?

Josh: Now, don't be alarmed. There are some positions that will be moved over to the Scranton branch.

(Jim looks at the camera)

Andy: (Freaking out) Oh my God! This sucks! This is total BS! (Throws his computer on the ground) I say we kill everyone in corporate!

(Josh looks at the door and gives a nod. Office security enters to take Andy away)

Andy: You can't do this to me! (Being dragged out) I'm an American citizen! Do this to her! (He points to an Asian employee who looks hurt)

(Josh walks over to Jim's desk)

Josh: (Whispering) Don't worry Jim. Jan hooked us up in Scranton so we're fine.

(Josh walks away and Jim tries to contemplate what is happening. He looks at the camera and then behind him where Karen is wiping tears away)

CUT TO SCRANTON BRANCH

(Everyone, including the warehouse staff, is gathered around in Michael's office waiting for his 3:00 conference call)

Michael: (Looking nervous) Uh, really. You guys do not all need to be in here. I will let you know what happens.

Daryl: Naw, see that's not going to happen Mike.

Oscar: Yeah, we don't trust you Michael.

Michael: (Looking shocked) What? I just don't

(The phone rings interrupting Michael)

(Everyone is staring at the phone looking nervous)

Pam: Well, answer it.

Michael: Uh, isn't that your job?

(Pam looks pissed off and the rolls her eyes as she picks up the phone)

Pam: Dunder-Mifflin this is Pam. (Pause) Uh huh. He's right here. I'll put him on speaker for you.

(She puts Jan on speaker)

Jan: Uh, hello?

Michael: Jan, what's happening hot stuff? (He looks around the office with a big smile on his face but no one is laughing)

Jan: Michael? Why am I on speakerphone?

Michael: Uh, because everyone wants to know the big news Jan.

Jan: Michael, this is for us to discuss one on one. Then you can relay this information to the office.

Dwight: We already know what's happening Jan so why don't you simply fire all of these people and give Michael and I are next instructions.

(Angela gives Dwight a cruel look)

(There is a long pause)

Jan: Michael, please pick up the phone.

(He does so reluctantly)

Michael: Yes Jan?

(There is a long pause)

Michael: I see. (Pause) Uh, huh. Right, ok. Can you please repeat that for everyone because I don't think they're going to believe me.

(He puts her back on speakerphone)

Jan: Michael I (Realizing she's back on speakerphone) –Sigh- Fine. The Stamford branch is closing and a couple of their employees will be transferring to your office.

(Everyone looks relieved except for Dwight)

Dwight: Not Jim! Not Jim!

(Pam looks nervously at the camera and slightly smirks)

(Creed comes into the office eating a turkey sandwich)

Creed: What's up?

(Everyone just looks at him)

(He keeps eating, shrugs and exits)

THE END


	2. Chapter 2

**"The Shakedown"**

INTRODUCTION: THE STAMFORD OFFICE

(Josh is talking on the phone while movers are taking away his stuff)

(Karen is cleaning out her desk and putting things into boxes)

(Jim walks over to Josh's office)

Jim: Hey. Can I talk to you for a minute?

Josh: (Into the phone) I gotta go. (Hangs up) Sure, what's up?

Jim: Well, I wanted to talk to you about the move.

Josh: Not getting nervous are you?

Jim: What do you mean?

Josh: Well, you know you're still going to be a manager right?

Jim: Really?

Josh: Oh sure. You will be overseeing a Mr. (looks down at a piece of paper because he is unsure of the name) Dwight Schrute.

Jim: Are, are you serious? That's awesome. (Gets a devilsh grin) But, that's not the reason I'm here.

Josh: Oh, what's up?

Jim: Um, well as a sales manager I've been evaluating everyone's progress and Karen has been doing exceptionally well.

Josh: Really? (Thumbing through a booklet) Because her numbers have not increased.

Jim: I know, I know. But she's been handling a lot of new business and making extensive leads. So I was thinking she would be a great asset to the Scranton Branch.

Josh: Huh.

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: (VO) Actually, Karen pretty much goofs around all day and talks to her friend Kristen about shopping. (Pause) But, since we're dating I thought the commute would be much better for both of us. (Cut to Pam sitting at her desk in the Scranton Branch answering the phone) And you know, better for me.

Josh: Alright. Let me talk to Jan and see what I can do.

Jim: I would appreciate it. Thanks.

CUT TO SCRANTON BRANCH

(Michael comes out of his office and addresses everyone)

Michael: People, please listen up. We need to do some rearranging in here before our Stamford peeps start rolling in.

Angela: Where are we supposed to move? There's hardly any room in here as it is.

Michael: That is why we need you all to move back a bit so we can fit two more desks over there.

Ryan: Why can't we cut down the size of the conference room?

Kelly: Yeah. It's not like our meetings are that important anyway.

Michael: Now Kelly, is that really appropriate?

Dwight: Or we could just cut down your office, Michael.

Michael: You know what? Conference room works. Good idea Ryan. Pam? Call your boy-toy Roy and tell him we need a little (stupid accent) movin' and shakn' up here.

Pam: He's not my boy

Michael: (Interrupting) Come on Pam. He was once hitting that so let's not play dumb, am I right?

Creed: I wish I was hitting that. Damn.

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS

CUT TO STAMFORD BRANCH

(Jim walks over to Karen's desk as she is cleaning up)

Jim: Hey. You OK?

Karen: No. What am I supposed to do now?

Jim: Well um, I spoke to Josh and told him that you would be a real asset to the Scranton branch. So he's going to speak with Jan about it.

Karen: You did what?

Jim: What? I'm sorry, are you upset?

Karen: (Smiles real big) No. That was so sweet. (She hugs him)

(Jim looks at the camera)

(Karen pulls away)

Karen: (Sarcastic) And to think, I didn't even have to sleep with you.

Jim: (Sarcastic) Well, I guess you'll have to now.

CUT TO SCRANTON BRANCH

Pam: Dunder-Mifflin this is Pam.

(Michael walks over to the reception desk and hangs up Pam's phone)

Michael: Pam, where is Roy?

Pam: Don't hang up my phone again.

Michael: Oh come on Pam. Don't get all sour-pussy on me. (Perking up) Unless that's something you're in to?

(Pam gives him a disgusted look)

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: Ever since I called off the wedding Michael has been saying the most disgusting things to me. I mean, even worse than usual. I almost wish I would've went through with it just to make him stop.

Dwight: Michael, we have a serious situation.

Michael: What is it Dwight?

Dwight: I just measured the new offices and realized that they are about 3 inches larger than my workspace. Now as Assistant Regional Man

Michael: (Interrupting) Assistant To the Regional Man

Dwight: (Interrupting) Whatever. It is unfair that my subordinates will have a larger office than me.

Michael: Actually Dwight, the two people coming here will be in higher positions than you.

Dwight: (Looks like he's going to lose it) What!

Michael: That's right.

Dwight: -Gasp- I have been nothing but loyal to you Michael.

Michael: Now Dwight

Dwight: (Interrupting) Surely, you can't be serious!

Michael: I am serious. Aaaand don't call me Shirley. (Looking at the camera smiling) That's from Airplane. Great movie.

Dwight: I think I'm going to vomit.

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: (VO) Dwight needs to come down. We should all be embracing the new people coming to join our team. These people are not just my employees, they are my friends and family. And with each newborn that enters into our Scranton maternity ward, we must all gather around and love and nurture them. Like little babies. Little, soft, white, precious babies. (Pause) But if they bitch and moan like real babies, then we will have to give them up for adoption.

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: I will not welcome these new people to this branch. They are traitors and should be treated as such. It is as my father Dwight Schrute once said, "Kill or be killed." These bitches are going down.

CUT TO THE BREAK ROOM

(Oscar & Toby are hanging out by the coffee maker talking)

Oscar: So, which two are coming over from the Stamford branch?

Toby: I'm not really supposed to say. I just received their paperwork this morning.

Oscar: Oh come on. I won't tell anyone.

Toby: (Whining) Nah, I really shouldn't. I think Michael wanted to announce it later on today.

Oscar: Oh come on.

Toby: Well, OK. Josh will be heading up this office while reporting to Michael and then Jim will be the sales manager.

Oscar: (Laughing and trying to keep his voice down) No way! So Jim's going to be overseeing Dwight?

Toby: Yeah.

Oscar: Oh my God. That's so great. I can't wait until Dwight finds out.

(Unseen by Toby & Oscar, Angela overhears and heads back to her desk)

CUT TO THE OFFICE

(Roy and Daryl are inside of the conference room setting up the offices)

(Pam walks by and Roy stops and stares at her while dropping one of the partitions)

Daryl: Come on man. Pay attention.

Roy: Man, I just can't stop thinking about her. I gotta find a way to get her back.

Daryl: Man, all you did was piss and whine about all the stuff she was making you do.

Roy: You just don't get it man. We really had something. I'm going to go talk to her.

CUT TO RECEPTION

(Michael walks out and cuts off Roy)

Michael: Pam, can I see you in my office?

(Roy looks defeated and walks back into the conference room)

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(Pam sits down)

Michael: I just wanted to talk to you about our new employees.

Pam: OK.

Michael: Now, this may come as a shock to you. And I don't want you to freak out or anything. (Pause) Do, do you want anything to drink?

(Pam looks at the camera and rolls her eyes)

Michael: (Looking through his desk) I think I have a small bottle of tequila around here somewhere.

Pam: (Agitated) Um, can I go? I still have some filing to do.

Michael: (Still rummaging through his desk) Oh, I found some Binaca. Pretty strong stuff. I think I found Meredith using it before.

Pam: Can I go now?

Michael: No, Pam. Now listen very carefully. -Sigh- I just wanted to tell you that Jim is coming back to work for us.

Pam: (Unfazed) OK.

Michael: (Sounding concerned) And I know you two have had your ups and downs.

Pam: (Unfazed) Michael, no we haven't. It's fine.

Michael: I mean, it must be so difficult to work with someone who is in love with you and who you could just give a rat's ass about, am I right?

Pam: (Feeling very uncomfortable) Is that it? I should get back to my desk.

Michael: Yeah, no. Good talk. Good talk. (Pets her head and tries to console her) Oh Pammy. Pam, Pam, Pammy. We will all make it through these trying times.

(Pam looks at the camera and gets up and leaves)

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: (Smiling) I'm really happy Jim is coming back to the office. I never really got a chance to say goodbye when he left or anything. So, this will be a good chance for us to catch up. (The camera moves in close on her as the smile on her face fades. She looks uncomfortable and a little scared). Could, could you turn that off please?

CUT TO STAMFORD BRANCH

(Josh comes out of his office)

Josh: Jim? Can I see you for a moment?

Jim: Sure.

(They enter his office and sit down)

Josh: Hey so I spoke to Jan and unfortunately they do not need another salesperson.

Jim: Really? Because I don't think they hired anyone when I left.

Josh: Well that's true. They made one of the temps a full-time salesperson.

Jim: Ryan?

Josh: Yeas, that's him.

Jim: Huh.

Josh: There is a temp position in accounting. Apparently the accountant Oscar is taking a 3-month leave of absence, which he is spreading out over the entire year. So he will be in and out and could use the help.

Jim: Uh, is Karen qualified for that?

Josh: Eh, who knows. Are you qualified to sell paper? Am I qualified to be a sales manager? Is Michael Scott qualified to run the entire branch?

(Long pause)

Josh: Probably not. But if you want your girlfriend to stay close, this may be your only option.

Jim: (Shocked) My what?

Josh: Oh come on Jim. You two are not fooling anyone. (He looks out into the office area and checks Karen out) She's hot. I would want to move her to Scranton with me as well.

Jim: (Taken aback) OK. And you don't have a problem with this?

Josh: No, of course not. I used to have a thing with Debbie.

(Debbie, the crazy blonde walks by and is angrily talking to herself)

Jim: How did that work out?

Josh: Oh Jim, she's a complete nutcase.

CUT TO THE SCRANTON BRANCH

(Dwight is observing Daryl and Roy while they are putting the offices together)

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: (VO) I am well aware that Josh will be joining our team. But the rumor mill is that there will be a woman coming here as well. As God is my witness, I will be damned if there is a woman in this office who is above a Schrute. Us Schrutes are a proud people. Our wives exist solely to prepare our meals, clean our homes, and breastfeed our young. And in some extreme cases, breastfeed our livestock.

(Angela walks over to Dwight)

Angela: (Whispering) I need to talk to you.

Dwight: (Whispering) Not now monkey. I need to observe the construction of these offices.

Angela: It's really important.

Dwight: What could possibly be that important?

CUT TO A BAR IN STAMFORD

(Josh, Jim, & Karen are drinking at the bar)

Josh: (To bartender) Another round of drinks for my friends here.

Karen: Josh, Jim I can't thank you guys enough for finding me a job. I'll be a huge asset to the HR person.

Jim: Uh actually, you will be working in the accounting department.

Karen: Right. That's the one that involves numbers right?

(Jim looks at the camera)

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: I'm hoping that I didn't make a mistake by getting Karen this job. I mean, she's really not that qualified. (Cut to flashback scenes of the Scranton Branch: Oscar is asleep on a mound of papers as Angela nudges him awake. Kevin is by the copier which keeps beeping. "Come on you stupid fing machine!" Meredith is passed out in the women's restroom with a bottle of Jack Daniels by her feet). (Pause) (Smiling) Actually, I think she'll fit in perfectly.

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF KAREN

Karen: (VO) Do I know anything about accounting? Mm. That's a good question. (Close-up shot. She's obviously very tipsy) I know that 4 + 4 is um, like 8 or something. So that right there is a good start. (She starts laughing uncontrollably and almost falls off her chair).

CUT TO SCRANTON BRANCH

(Daryl and Roy are finishing up. Dwight and Michael go to check it out)

Michael: Looks good, looks good. (To Daryl) Thank you my brotha. (Pats him on the back)

Daryl: Excuse me?

Michael: (Nervous) Nothing, nothing. Just keep moving please.

(Daryl looks pissed and walks away)

(Roy goes over to reception)

Roy: Hey um, I was thinking that maybe we could go for a drink tonight or something.

Pam: Um, not tonight. I'm kind of tired and just want to go home.

Roy: OK, fine. Maybe some other time then.

Pam: OK.

Roy: (Uncomfortable) OK, um. Bye.

Pam: Bye.

(Kelly comes over to Pam)

Kelly: Hey Pam. Ryan and I are going to check out that new bar in town. I heard it's like, totally crawling with good-looking single guys. You want to come?

Pam: Um (thinking) um, sure. Why not?

Kelly: Great. Ryan is sooooooooooo looking forward to it. It's going to be a blast!

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: Honestly, I would rather go home and watch re-runs of Blossom. But for some reason, I'm dating Kelly. (Pause) (Camera moves in close on Ryan) And, I'm still not sure why.

Michael: Have a good weekend everyone.

Stanley: Hey. You never told us who was starting on Monday.

Michael: Oh right. I've kept you all in the dark for too long. Drum roll please?

(Everyone just looks at him)

Michael: Drum roll Pam?

(She starts banging on her desk)

Michael: Joining our Scranton squad will be Josh &

(Cut to Dwight & Angela in the conference room with the door closed. Dwight lets out a scream and everyone looks)

Dwight: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Michael: & Jim Halpert.

THE END


	3. Chapter 3

"**Getting Reacquainted"**

INTRODUCTION: THE SCRANTON OFFICE

(Reception desk is vacant)

(Dwight is sitting at his desk, nervously bouncing his leg and chewing on his fingernails and spitting them out)

(Michael walks in)

Michael: Hey ho. Good morning all. (Looks over at the reception desk) Where's Pam?

Dwight: (Standing up quickly) Michael! Where are (looking around) you know (looking behind Michael and whispering) THEM?

(Jim and Josh walk in)

Jim: Hey Dwight. How's it going buddy? (He pats him on the shoulder)

(Dwight shrugs him off)

Dwight: (Evil) Don't buddy me. You may think you're in charge here but you are wrong. Dead wrong, you understand me?

Josh: That's right. Because myself and Michael are in charge. Isn't that right Michael?

Michael: Riiighty you are my good man. Let me get you guys situated. After you.

(Jim looks at Pam's desk and notices that she's not there. He looks around and starts waving to people)

(Jim & Josh start to walk ahead of Michael as he turns to Dwight)

Michael: Would you please behave yourself Dwight? You're acting like a little girl alright. Or even worse, like Oscar.

Dwight: Really? Well does Oscar, in his free time, hunt down perpetrators with a potato gun and fire at them until the subjects are beaten to a bloody pulp? I think not.

(Long uncomfortable silence)

Michael: How many times have I told you? No more Red Bulls in the morning.

Dwight: But I like the sweet berry taste. It's also good for my sinuses.

Michael: Just, no more OK?

(He walks away towards Josh & Jim. Dwight has a puss on his face)

Michael: So, this is where you guys will be situated. What do you think?

Jim: This works.

Josh: Yeah but what about the conference room?

Michael: Well, we at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton believe that conferences can happen out in the open area without really needing an actual room.

Josh: Yeah, but not all conferences are addressed for all to hear Michael.

Michael: Look Josh, you may have had your own ways of doing things in Stamford but down here in Scranton, we get it done our own way, OK?

Josh: (Skeptical) OK, but I really don't think

Michael: (Interrupting) And obviously Jan picked my way over yours so I win.

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: (VO) This transition is going to be hard for some of our new members to get accustomed to. We have our own efficient ways of handling things here. (Old shot of Oscar wearing Angela's baby poster T-shirt around the office) And I'm not exactly sure how, but it just works for us. We even have our own secret language at times (Shot of Michael coming out of his office and addressing Dwight saying "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's uuuuuuuuuuup?!) Josh is just going to have to learn to deal with that.

(Pam is rushing into the office)

(Michael sees her and comes over to reception)

Pam: Michael, I'm sorry I'm late. There was a big accident in front of my apartment and

Michael: (Interrupting) Now, Pam. We all know the real reason why you are late am I right? (He gestures his head towards Jim in the conference room who hasn't noticed Pam yet)

(Pam looks over and sees Jim)

Pam: No that's not it. There really was an

Michael: (Interrupting) Sure, sure. Whatever. Can you give me my messages when you're done LYING? (He starts laughing)

(Pam doesn't look amused at all and is just staring at him)

Michael: (Stops laughing) Seriously, my messages. (Pause) When you get a moment. (Still scared of her look) Whenever. No rush. (He looks around uncomfortably and enters his office)

(Pam starts getting situated and looks up at Jim again)

(Jim & Josh are setting up their desks while Dwight walks in)

Dwight: So I take it that everything is to your liking? (He stifles a laugh)

Jim: (Skeptical) Yeah everything's fine.

Dwight: OK, well then I guess I'll go. (He just stands there with a grin on his face)

(Josh picks up something from inside of his desk)

Josh: What the hell is this?

(It's his mouse pad and it's submerged in J-ello)

Josh: (To Dwight) Did you do this?

Dwight: Well, I thought that was Jim's

Josh: (Interrupting) And you thought this was funny?

Dwight: No I

Josh: (Interrupting) I'm not sure what you are normally accustomed to but from now on, you will live be my rules, you got that?

Jim: Yeah Dwight. That is so immature.

Dwight: (To Josh) -Gasp- I'm sorry sir. It will never happen again.

Josh: It better not.

(Dwight runs out)

(Josh turns to Jim)

Josh: Man you weren't kidding. He really is easy to manipulate.

Jim: I know.

(They both start laughing)

(Jim looks up and sees Pam at her desk)

Jim: Um, I'll be right back.

Josh: OK.

(Jim heads over to Pam's desk but Kelly stops him)

Kelly: (Babbling) Hey Jim. How's it going? We like totally missed you around the office, you know? So, what was Stamford like? I heard it's like the new New York City now and it's a really cool place to live.

(Jim is just nodding and looks up at Pam who notices him. For a second they are both uncomfortable but then Jim mouths "Help me" and Pam breaks out into a laugh)

Kelly: So, what's been going on? Did you know that Ryan and I are still dating? Isn't that the best? I mean who would have thought, right?

Pam: Kelly? There's a call for you on line 2.

Kelly: Really? OK thanks. Bye Jim.

Jim: See ya.

(He walks over to Pam's desk)

Jim: Thank you.

Pam: No problem. It was fun to watch you sweat it out a little though.

Jim: Yeah thanks. So, how are you?

Pam: I'm good. Have my own apartment now.

Jim: Yeah, no I heard. That's great.

Pam: Yeah, I took your advice and enrolled in some graphic art classes.

Jim: That's great.

Pam: Yeah.

(Roy comes in and walks over to Pam's desk)

Roy: Hey Pam. How's it going?

Pam: Uh, good.

(The three of them are standing around looking uncomfortable)

Jim: Um, yeah I should get back to my desk. It's really great to see you.

Pam: Yeah you too.

(Jim walks back to his desk)

Roy: Hey. (Notices Pam) You OK?

Pam: Yeah, I'm fine. What's up?

Roy: Nothing. Just wanted to say hi. Oh, and to see if you were free for lunch.

(Jim looks up from his desk and sees them talking)

Pam: I got in late so I will probably have to eat at my desk.

Roy: OK, sure no problem. Uh, see you later.

Pam: Bye.

CUT TO THE BREAK ROOM

(Angela is putting something in the fridge. Dwight comes in)

Angela: So how's it going?

Dwight: (Getting increasingly upset) How's it going? How's it going? I'll tell you how it's going. It sucks! There I said it. Jim has no business being in that position! Nobody has the right to put Dwight Schrute in a submissive position!

Angela: (Devilish grin) Nobody?

(Dwight & Angela stare sexily at each other)

CUT TO WAREHOUSE

(Ryan is walking down the stares and goes over to Daryl)

Ryan: Hey Daryl? Michael said you had a package for him?

Daryl: Uh, yeah yeah. It's over here.

Roy: (Excited) Do you need me to take it up to him?

Ryan: No. I got it. Thanks.

(He exits)

(Daryl is shaking his head at Roy)

Daryl: What's up with you man? You know, you're making it harder and harder for me to be your friend man.

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF DARYL

Daryl: So Michael and I were talking one day and he mentioned to me that he was scared of losing his hair. So I told him that my brother Jamal lives down in Africa and has access to this bootleg product for hair growth that isn't FDA approved yet. (Slightly laughs) So every month, I go home and mix up some soy sauce, hot dog relish and Pantene shampoo, package it and charge Michael $50. It's not a bad racket.

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(Ryan walks in with the package)

Ryan: Here you go.

Michael: Thanks Ryan. Hey, don't tell anybody about this alright?

(Ryan walks out with a clueless look on his face)

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: Not really sure what Michael wants to keep secret. Maybe it's like secret stash of porn tapes. (Camera pans in close up on Ryan who has a disgusted look on his face) Oh, that's something I just do not want to picture.

CUT TO THE OFFICE

(Oscar walks over to Jim's desk)

Oscar: Hey Jim. It's great to have you back.

Jim: Thanks man. Congrats on coming out. I'm sorry I missed it.

Oscar: (Uncomfortable) Yeah, it was OK. Anyway, I wanted to know a little bit about Karen, the girl that will be coming in to help.

Jim: Sure. What's up?

Oscar: Well frankly, I'm a little concerned with her credentials.

Jim: How so?

Oscar: Well for instance, she has never worked in accounting before.

Jim: True but she's a hard worker.

Oscar: OK, but can she put simple spreadsheets together?

Jim: Um, I'm sure you can teach her all of that stuff.

(Oscar just stares at Jim and then walks away)

(Oscar walks over to Toby and starts complaining)

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF OSCAR

Oscar: (VO) I'm not sure why Jim felt compelled to bring this girl Karen here for accounting. But if it's for the reason I think I'm going to be extremely upset.

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(Josh is knocking on his door)

Josh: Hey Michael. Can I talk to you for a minute?

Michael: Sure. What's up my man?

Josh: Um, I was looking over these sales numbers from last quarter and something doesn't make sense.

Michael: OK, let me help. Let Big Daddy fix the problem.

(Josh gives Michael a look and then continues)

Josh: Well it says here that your July numbers were astronomical because of a J. Halpert.

Michael: Uh, yes that's correct.

Josh: Well, how is that possible? Jim was working for me then.

Michael: Uh, true but he was still finishing up some deals with us.

Josh: How can that be? Wait a minute. (Yelling) Jim? Jim, could you come in here please?

Michael: (Getting nervous) What, what are you doing? No need for that.

Jim: What's up?

Michael: (Nervous) Never mind. We figured it out, thanks.

Josh: No stay. Were you still selling for Scranton

Michael: (Interrupting) Hey Jim! Let's go to lunch! We have some catching up to do. What do you say?

Jim: Well, I was going to

Michael: Excellent! Let's go. Josh, we will have to reconvene later on this OK?

Josh: What? Michael, we have to seriously discuss this.

Michael: Later, later. Let's go Jim. Catch you later Josh.

(They head out and run into Pam)

Michael: Pam! Going to lunch with Jim. If anyone calls

Pam: Yes?

(Michael looks in between Pam & Jim)

Pam: What?

Michael: Pam? Why don't you join us?

Pam: Uh no, that's OK. I was late this morning so I really think I should

Michael: Oh, just stay late then.

(Pam gives him an evil look)

Michael: Come on. My treat. I won't take no for an answer.

(Pam looks at Jim who just shrugs)

Pam: (Reluctantly) OK.

Michael: Great! (Addressing the office) See all of you losers lata!

(Stanley and Phyllis look at Michael)

THE END


	4. Chapter 4

"**Michael Gets Lucky"**

INTRODUCTION: THE SCRANTON OFFICE

(Reception desk is vacant)

(Stanley & Kevin are exiting the break room)

(Roy walks in and goes up to Kevin)

Roy: Hey? Have you seen Pam?

Kevin: She went out to lunch with Michael & Jim.

(Roy looks hurt and angry)

Roy: Out to lunch? I thought she couldn't leave.

Kevin: (Sarcastically) Maybe she just couldn't say no to Jim since he's in love with her and she turned him down.

Roy: (Shocked) What?!!

Kevin: (Monotone) Whoops. (Long pause) Hey, you want a Hot Pocket?

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS

(Karen walks into the office)

Dwight: (Sizing her up) Who the hell are you?

Karen: I'm Karen. I'm starting here today.

Dwight: (Looking down at his watch) Hmm, that's funny. My watch must be off because it says 12:30. That couldn't possibly be right being that's it's your first day and all. I mean, who would possibly stroll in here and

Oscar: (Interrupting) I asked her to come in at 1:00 so actually, she's early Dwight. (Addressing Karen and shaking her hand) Hi, I'm Oscar. It's nice to meet you.

Karen: (Shaking) Likewise.

Oscar: Let's go to my desk so we can go over a couple of things.

Karen: OK.

(They walk away from Dwight who is standing there dumbfounded)

(Angela walks up)

Dwight: (Angrily) Can you believe the lack of respect in this office? It makes me so mad!

Angela: So, then do something about it.

Dwight: How so?

Angela: Take charge and fight back by reporting every little action that these people do. Stand up to Michael and prove to him that you are the only one who really cares about the status of this place.

Dwight: That's genius.

Angela: I know.

Dwight: You know what they say, don't you? Behind every good man is a

Angela: (Flattered) I know…a good woman.

Dwight: Actually I was going to say a lying, conniving woman.

(Angela looks upset and walks away from Dwight in a huff)

CUT TO APPLEBEES

(Michael, Jim and Pam are ordering)

Jim: And I'll have a ham sandwich.

Michael: (To the waitress) You know, everything looks so good (looks at the waitress' name tag) Mary. (Trying to flirt with her)

Mary: (Flirting back) Well, people really enjoy our surf and turf special.

Michael: (Flirting) Really? That sounds niiiiiiiiiice. I'll have that.

Pam: (Whispering to Jim) Who orders surf and turf at Applebees? (Jim laughs)

Michael: So, I bet you're wondering why I invited the two of you out for lunch, hmm?

Jim: Uh, because we have to eat?

Michael: That's true but really the reason is so we can hash out all of this bad blood between the two of you.

(They both look shocked)

Pam: (Nervous) Michael? What are you talking about? Jim and I are friends. Everything is fine.

Michael: Really? Because it doesn't seem that way to me. The way I see it

Jim: (Interrupting) Yeah I mean actually, Pam and I talked about everything and it's all good now. (Looking at Pam who knows that he is lying)

Michael: Are you sure? Because we could have a little pow-wow now if you wish?

Jim/Pam: (In unison) No!

Michael: OK. Hey, food's here.

Mary: (Laying the plates on the table) Here you are. (To Pam) tossed salad, (To Jim) ham sandwich, (To Michael) and the surf & turf.

Michael: (Flirting) Thank you Mary. Hey so if you're not busy later

(Jim shakes his head at the camera and mouths, "not here, please")

Michael: Maybe you could surf my turf, you know what I mean?

(Pam looks appalled)

(Michael and Mary are flirtatiously laughing)

Mary: (Laughing) Oh, um…OK. You know, I get out of here at 6:00.

Michael: Alrighty then. I'll pick you up at 5:59 sharp.

Mary: (Laughing flirtatiously) Great. Thanks.

(She leaves)

Michael: (Smiling) See Jim…now that's how you ask a girl out.

(Long uncomfortable silence)

Michael: (Eating) Hmm (moan) this is the best surf and turf I ever had!

CUT TO WAREHOUSE

(One of the workers is driving a forklift. Another is carrying boxes)

(Roy is sitting on a box eating lunch. He looks pissed)

(Daryl walks up)

Daryl: Hey man? What's the matter?

(Roy ignores him)

Daryl: Yo! I'm talking to you man.

Roy: What? Sorry. I'm just thinking.

Daryl: (Looking skeptical) Uh, huh. It looks like you're about to cut someone's head off.

Roy: (Getting heated) Yeah well, what would you do if you found out that someone was scamming on your fiancé?

Daryl: Is this about Jim?

Roy: (Shocked) You knew man?

Daryl: (Slightly laughing) Oh hell man, everyone knew.

Roy: (Pissed) I can't believe this!

Daryl: Look man, I'm sure that's not why she broke it off with you. I mean, they're not even dating. I hear he's dating that hot new accounting chick. (Addressing another employee) Have you seen her Doug?

Doug: Whoa…she's smoking hot dude. Hey Roy? Maybe you should go after her. You know, get Jim back for what he did to you.

Roy: Even Doug knew?

Doug: (Offended) Dude, I'm not an idiot.

(Roy looks pissed and storms off)

Doug: What did I say?

CUT TO OFFICE

(Michael, Jim & Pam come in)

(Josh runs over so he can address Jim)

Josh: Jim, hey do you have a second?

Michael: Uh, nope. Uh, I need him for a very special sales call.

Josh: It will only take a minute.

Michael: Uh, it can't wait. Let's go Jim. (He shoves him into his office and draws the blinds)

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JOSH

Josh: So it's pretty safe to say that Michael cooked the books so that it appeared that the Scranton Branch was doing better than Stamford. (Long pause) Normally I would be fuming, but my Intel stock just skyrocketed so I'm resigning. (He holds up his Merrill Lynch portfolio). I'm like the richest person in Pennsylvania now.

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(Michael has just explained the situation to Jim)

Michael: So, you see? I did it for the good of this Branch.

Jim: So, I'm supposed to say that I agreed to this?

Michael: Yeah. He'll probably only be mildly pissed at you for like a day or so.

Jim: No way.

(Knock on the door)

Josh: Michael? Can I talk to Jim now?

(Michael looks at Jim and gives him look)

Michael: Uh, we're not quite done

Jim: (Interrupting) No, we're done. Bye Michael.

(Jim & Josh walk into the conference room/offices and close the door).

(Michael is peering from outside of his office, looking nervous)

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: (VO) I can't believe Jim would betray me like this. After everything I've done for him. (Shot of Michael) I even bought him and the girl that crushed him lunch. It's probably the only date they will ever have…and I made that happen. What should I have done instead? Sleep with Pam and have him watch so he could at least live vicariously through me? I mean, I would have stepped up and done that. (Pause) Just for him. (Pause) Just for Jim. (Long daydreaming pause…he's thinking about the situation) (Looks at the camera) I'm sorry, what was I saying?

Josh: (Talking to Jim) So, I guess you'll be taking my place. Congratulations.

Jim: So you're not at all pissed at what Michael did?

Josh: (Shrugs) Eh…I'm worth like millions now Jim.

CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: I've come to the sad realization that I work with complete morons.

(Shot of Dwight polishing his paintball gun)

BACK TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: You just can't make this stuff up.

THE END


End file.
